Blooming..honest post about self love…hope you’re ready…
You owe yourself the love you so freely give to others
Self love…we should all have it right? we should all practice and encourage it. I know I do one out of those three that I just named. And it became very apparent after a phone call I had with with someone I so luckily get to call my sister. She made me repeat this “I am strong, I am loved, I am brilliant, I am whole, I give myself permission to love, especially myself” and I kid you not once those words left my mouth I Kim Kardashian ugly cried for a good 15 mins.
I am a people person and people pleaser if you know me personally you know this is true. I will hype, encourage, love on you to the moon and back. And I recently started noticing that when my friends try to do the same to me I laugh or quickly turn the attention back to them. I remember one of my friends vividly saying “dam let me love and encourage you” and I just laughed it off. That sounds off right?
What made me cry was the fact that I had N E V E R allowed myself to say those words. I guess telling myself “im beautiful” seemed like enough. But I have come to a conclusion thats not the case. Let me be completely transparent with you. I haven’t always been nice to myself, I’m my worst critic and also blamed myself for why people treated me the way they did. I can actually pin point where all this started and it started with the disappointment I caused my dad and how he expressed himself about me at one point in time. Words stick…this was years ago and we have since grown from all that. My dad was hurt and so was I (still am) and I guess we both lost something during that time you know. I took his disappointment and internalize it.
I mean I can sit here and blame every single situation that has made me feel unworthy of loving myself. But that would be a slap in the face because I allowed those situations to happen. Therefor I have to start by taking accountability for my own actions as well, its where the healing begins. I guess you can say its true when they say that circumstances in life really do shape you. And boy have they shaped me. But I say all this to say that it stops now. I am finally allowing myself to forgive, heal and begin to love myself as I am. Because dam it I deserve it!
And this is what i have been doing to start myself love journey
-Writing positive affirmations and bible verses to remind myself of who I truly am
-I give myself 15 mins to myself everyday (i’ll work my way up to at least one hour)
-Allowing myself to feel all the feels its okay to express exactly how I’m feeling
-Self love Sundays are back in session (body scrubs, masks, and all the body oils)
-Surrounding myself with people who truly love and care for me
-Listening to uplifting podcasts and music (This Girl by Lauren has been on replay)
I am no where were I should be heck I’m 28 years old and just now allowing myself to recognize all the hurt that I’ve been carrying around. Baggage that I was so scared of opening up because I knew it would be a whole suitcase of mess. And realizing just how ugly I have been to myself so this is going to take some time and I’m okay with the process. I know theres still some things I have to tackle to fully let go of all the guilt I’ve been holding on to, but once I fully and truly love me everything else will fall in to place. And it will all be G O O D
Flowers need time to bloom. So do YOU
So cheers to change and self love